Thursday, August 25, 2011

Beginnings and Endings

Monday was my last first day of school. I've been in school a total of 21 years, including Kindergarten and this year. Wow, 21 years.

If anyone had come up to me as an insecure 7th grader--braces, crazy afro hair, zits, awkward written all over me--and said:
  • Laurel, you are one day going to have the focus of an arrow hitting the target
  • You will be so certain in God's voice calling you to Christian ministry that it will become you're life's mission
  • You are going to meet all kinds of people--rich, poor, educated in school, learned from the streets, homed, homeless, black, white, brown, yellow, happy, angry, joyful, bitter, ignorant, open, small town, big city--and they will each teach you something very important
  • You are going to be given responsibility to meet real needs, and some of these needs are life or death
  • You are going to go to grad school for four years
...I would be shocked.

But that is what it has come down to, lots of opportunities, lots of learning moments, and even a few "Come to Jesus" meetings. And now I am in my last year of equipping from a formal education perspective, and I have so many emotions. I am the same person, but I have certainly been changed. I am excited about life, seeing Mountains Beyond Mountains. There is hope in hurt, and we experience that each day as ministerial and social work students. I have formed lasting bonds with professors, homeless people, supervisors (so many supervisors...), fellow classmates, coworkers, and friends. Each day is a new challenge and brings a new growing pain in muscles in my heart and mind that I didn't even know I had.

The closer I am to these degrees--pieces of paper--the less I want to talk about it.

It's incredible how people treat you differently when they find out you're in grad school. It's sickening, really. I'm just me, and I sometimes have a messy car and sometimes show up late to something important, just like many of you. I am particular about my baked goods and get cravings for vegetables and will do anything to bring about justice and show some mercy, too. But God called me to graduate school. Even though I have fought Him for some of this time, have been in mourning some of this time, and have thrown my hands up in the air in confusion ("Why here, God? Why now?), I have learned some tough lessons and met some even tougher situations that have given me the strength and drive to press on.

As I close this non-food related blog (Sorry, my lunch is consisting of mini blueberry muffins, corn & black beans, and carrot salad...weird, I know.), I'll leave you with something beautiful. This song helped me through my senior year of college (mostly the chorus) and continues to be a source of centering and encouragement today as I go honestly, humbly, to God.


Humble Me
(Norah Jones)


Went out on a limb
Gone too far
Broken down at the side of the road
Stranded at the outskirts and sun's creepin' up
Baby's in the backseat
Still fast asleep
Dreamin' of better days
I don't want to call you but you're all i have to turn to

What do you say
When it's all gone away?
Baby i didn't mean to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
Humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please, please forgive me

Baby Teresa got your eyes
I see you all the time
When she asks about her daddy
I never know what to say

Heard you kicked the bottle
And helped to build the church
You carry an honest wage
Is it true you have someone keeping you company?

What do you say
When its all gone away?
Baby i didn't meant to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
Humble me Lord
I'm on me knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please, please forgive me

4 comments:

  1. Wow. So much going on right now for you. You are right, it is scary, exciting, daunting, and then some...and then, wow - you arrive some place in life and you say "wow. this is GOOD!"

    Im so happy for you. :) You are an incredibly special person. I wish you nothing but the world as you embark upon your dreams, no matter where they take you!
    :)

    xoxo
    tracey

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are an amazing young woman and you have given much and will be asked to give much more as you venture on in your quest -
    I wish you many more aha moments - happiness always and the fulfillment of your dreams
    love you

    ReplyDelete
  3. absolutely beautiful, sweetheart. every day with you is a gift...and a great adventure! :)

    ReplyDelete